THE
TELECENTER
AN UNDEAD COMEDY
By Kurtis Warrington
An alarm clock blares to life as
Peggy rolls over to shut up the offensive timepiece. She opens her eyes and is instantly blinded by the blazing sun
piercing through her Venetian blinds.
After forty years of life she is tired of the never-ending routine.
An hour later, Peggy is still trying
to wake up as she drives in the bumper-to-bumper traffic.
“Come on Peggy, WAKE UP!” She
chastises herself. Just then she sees a
child running from a group of three ragged, homeless-looking people. The child runs into the street, making the
car in front of her screech to a stop.
“Damn undead are going to make me
late again!” Peggy says
exasperated. The motorist in front of
her honks loudly to get the group off the road. Finally the three ghouls drag the child off and begin to devour
him on the side of the road.
Arriving at work, Peggy walks up the
five flights of stairs to relieve stress that is ever present in her current
job as a Telecenter Supervisor. As she
enters the stuffy office, one of her employee’s greets her.
“Hey Peggy!” A large, obese man of
twenty-five years says happily.
“Hello, how are the phones today
Bob?” She asks, surveying the cubicles to see many reps answering calls.
“They’re slow so far, but... OWWW!”
Bob yells as the operator in the next cubicle bites him on his shoulder.
“Sue!” Peggy berates the undead
co-worker. “Now you know there is no
eating at your desk!” Sue swallows the fresh chunk of human flesh with a sad
look on her face and then goes back to work.
Feeling the operator has been properly scolded; Peggy turns back to Bob
who is holding his shoulder in pain.
“Sorry Bob, I don’t think Sue will
do that again. She’s only been dead a
few days and it takes some time to get used to it.” Bob nods sullenly and turns back to answer the call that has just
come through his headset.
Peggy sighs and continues towards
her desk. As she passes her best undead
employee, she pats her on the back.
“Good job Amy! Keep up the good work! You handled the most calls last month. Great job!”
Amy replies with a guttural laugh and perks up quite a bit from the
positive comment. Getting really
excited, Amy accidentally slaps her cold lifeless hand onto the phone box;
disconnecting the phone call she was taking.
Hum,
maybe that’s why she handled the most calls. Peggy thinks to herself as she walks away.
When Peggy reaches her desk, another
Supervisor comes over to chat.
“Hello Maggie.” Peggy says to her friend.
“These undead are worse than my
children” Maggie says confidentially.
“The way they run around getting into all kinds of trouble.” Peggy can
only laugh at Maggie’s comparison.
“At least the hospitals stuff the
dead full of preservatives before releasing them so that they don’t rot!” Peggy states to her agitated co-worker. “But they are like kids because they don’t
know right from wrong. Although I have
to say, they do work harder than any of our living employees. It’s to bad they aren’t very good at their
jobs. We have to divert the more
important aspects of the business around them or we’d go out of business!” Maggie nods in thought after hearing what
Peggy says.
“It’s too bad the Undead Act keeps
us from firing them. Just like the
physically & mentally challenged, the dead have rights. It’s nice to know I’ll have a job to come
back to after I die.” Maggie says, resigned to the current circumstances.
“Shh...” Peggy whispers, “we wouldn’t want any of them to hear you. That’s all we need is another zombie
harassment case.” Maggie tries to
muffle her laugh as she goes back to her desk.
***************
Nine long hours tick by and Peggy’s work
shift is finally over. Downstairs, she
cuts through the break room to get to her car.
A lot of people are causally gathered and milling about in the large
room. Peggy squirms & squeezes through
the crowd. A hand falls upon Peggy’s
shoulder and she turns to see who it is.
“Sue!” Peggy gasps just before the undead woman bites out her throat out
in one quick, clean chomp of yellowed teeth.
All around her the undead appear with hungry gazes on their faces.
***************
Maggie & Bob walk into the break
room and stand aghast at the scene before them. Peggy is being eaten alive by over ten living dead.
“I thought you were going home Peggy?” Maggie asks over the loud crunching of the
undead. No answer comes from Peggy as
her eyes gaze up at the ceiling.
“Well, at least the dead will be
returning to work with a full stomach.”
Bob says. “I don’t have to worry
about another one taking a chunk out of my ass!” Maggie giggles at Bob’s frankness.
“They do seem a bit calmer after a
good meal” Maggie states.
The two purchase sodas & candy
bars from the vending machines and head back to their desks.
“See you tomorrow Peggy!” Maggie yells to her friend.
“Yeah, dead or alive!” Bob remarks to cause another fit of giggling
from Maggie.